Going Back To Work Week 7

Hello everyone, how are you all? I hope you’ve had a good week and you know the score leave me a comment down below and we can connect about our week.  

So this has been the BIG jump from 3 hours a day at work up to 5 hours a day at work (I’m actually doing 5 and half hours and having half an hour break midway through.  

How have I been finding it?! Hard, I’m not going to lie and say that it’s been a breeze or a walk in the park.. I’ve definitely struggled this week adjusting to new things, I’ve also had to cancel a few plans that I’ve had in order to regain some energy – fatigue sucks!! Today (Friday) I’ve definitely felt my worst and I even had a mini melt down with my assistant manager today (I feel embarrassed now but it is what it is) however since getting home and relaxing for a bit I’m feeling a little bit better, I think fatigue is one of those symptoms that we just have to deal with and kind of work through..  

Do any of you have any tips or advice for when you’re feeling really fatigued to help yourself?  

I’m going to have a lovely relaxing bath tonight and try to relax as much as possible – one thing though.. I haven’t given up my yoga!! I did feel at one point maybe iI should stop yoga and concentrate on having energy at work, but that’s exactly what happened before – I stopped doing things that I actually loved doing then wound up in the position I was… So I shall continue my yoga in the mornings and I’m not going to let this get to me (although sometimes we just need to have moments where we just feel like shit and just want to stop or slow down – that’s just life) 

Also what I have to remember is – I’ve got through the first week!! I’ve DONE it! I haven’t gone home any earlier because I haven’t been well, I’ve been and done my hours albeit it as tough I’m still super proud of what I’ve achieved.  

Tomorrow (Saturday) I’ve got my Aunt and Uncle coming to collect my uncles glasses and then later on we are going to go out for dinner, I’ve cancelled all of my other plans for this week and this is something that I don’t want to cancel… I want to go out and have a nice time, I feel a bit anxious about it because I worry in case I don’t feel great or if I’m yawning or just too tired.. But I WILL DO it! I’ll just take my time, take things slowly and relax.  

So yeah, tonight I’m currently relaxing on the sofa in my super cozy legging type bottoms (seriously I could wear these 24/7) watching ‘We’re The Millers’ having a nice cup of ginger tea.  

I’m also trying to change my diet slowly to a plant based diet – just trailing it and taking things slowly – I watched a documentary called ‘What The Health’ and it was so fascinating and informative and I had absolutely no idea that some of the things we put in our mouths is actually bad/possibly dangerous for us! What do you all think?  

Anyway, I’m going to go now  I shall be writing my Monthly Favourites blog post on Sunday about all the things that I’ve been loving throughout September so look out for that if you’re interested.  

As always sending you lots of love 

Hannah xx 

Going Back To Work Week 6

Going Back To Work Week 6

Hello how is everyone doing? I hope you’ve all had a good week and weekend, as always leave me a comment below and we can all have a chat.

So.. This week started off just normal, like any other normal week – work still going well and I’m finding 3 hours a day more and more manageable. However I went to visit my Doctor on Thursday and she feels that I’m ready to take things up a notch and increase my hours to 5 hours a day 5 days a week!!

I see my Doctor regularly and we have a great relationship, I see her more of a friend as well as a Doctor – but even when she told me that she wanted to increase my hours I felt like she was just chucking me back out there, my anxiety sky rocketed and I could feel myself getting panicked. Until she sat in front of me and said ‘I know you can do it, I believe in you’ that made me feel a little more reassured.

She made sure I was obviously recovering well in order to increase my hours and I am, which is amazing – lol I know I bang on about it but since doing Yoga and Meditation I’ve definitely noticed a difference in my recovery. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my foot, don’t get my wrong it’s a lot better than what it was I can now walk around the house without any aids which is lovely and I’m only using one crutch to get about when I’m out, however the feeling hasn’t come back entirely and when I’m tired my left side really plays up – you know the usual drop foot, really heavy legs etc.

When I was with my Doctor (having my mini heart attack after she told me about increasing my hours) I was mainly worried about going back into that ‘work work work’ zone, getting up earlier, getting back later consequently not having the energy to do the things I’ve actually been enjoying for once… Since being on phased return to work and realised that I am “allowed” to do things and go out that I’m able to finally enjoy life! I know that sounds a little far fetched, but for example I’ve been able to take up yoga in the mornings and meditate whereas before I would get up at 6:30-7:00am get ready and leave the house at 8am so I wouldn’t have time for things in the morning, I’ve also been able to go out and enjoy spending time with friends – like going to the cinema last week and then going to a friends birthday party on a Saturday night (I don’t remember the last time I went out on a Saturday night) I used to get home from work about 6:30pm then sort dinner out etc and I would be completely exhausted to do anything else, even funnier I’ve been able to actually go food shopping who Aldi with mum recently and that has definitely helped me financially too.

So finally having the chance to understand and realise that I COULD enjoy my life and it wasn’t all about ‘work, come home, bed, work, come home, bed’ so I was a bit worried that I’d get myself back into that cycle, however I calmed down shortly after and when I spoke to my family who all said that they believe in me and that I need to remember that I’m not going back ‘full time’ so I’ll be able to still enjoy things, I’ll just need to rest a bit more in the beginning.

In my previous job when I was diagnosed I felt exactly the same, I got myself into the sort of depressing state where I just wasn’t enjoying life that I was just living for work – I was too exhausted to go out after work or on a Saturday night etc and it’s only taken me up until not to realise that maybe, just maybe reducing work slightly will enable me to actually ENJOY living and will make managing Multiple Sclerosis easier.

So moving forwards I’ll be working 10-3:30 with ½ break in between, like I said I feel a lot calmer about it now and I know I was maybe being a little over dramatic.. But hopefully some of you understand how I was feeling? I’m a little nervous about this next step but also positive and looking forward to writing all about my next hurdles with Working and Multiple Sclerosis.

I hope you’re all okay and have had a lovely weekend.

Lots of Love as Always

Hannah xx

My Current Morning Routine

My current Morning Routine

Hello everyone, how are you all doing? I hope you’ve all had a good start to the week. As always leave me a comment and then we can connect together 

Following on from my blog post about ‘5 ways to De-stress/Self – Care’ I thought I’d extend on it and write all about my current Morning Routine and hopefully it will encourage, inspire or just simply help you (if I looked back at this little routine I do a few months ago, I would believe it!) in case you haven’t had the chance to read my previous post, you can find it here:

So let’s get started..

George gets up for work around 6:30am so his alarm go off then, however Arthur normally wakes us up around 6am wanting his breakfast lol! George will go and feed him and get his own breakfast and I just rest for a little longer and wake up slowly – yes I usually look at my phone lol!

At around 7am I’ll head downstairs to make myself a refreshing herbal tea, recently I’ve been drinking Ginger and Lemon tea and it really helps to wake me up. I also fill my bottle with some really cold water from the fridge (I don’t buy bottled water, I just fill up a bottle and put it in the fridge) and then head upstairs ready to wake up properly.

That usually brings us to 7:15am and this is when I get all comfy, sit on my bed and do my morning meditation – As you all know I loved ‘Head Space’ to begin my meditation, once I’d completed the free trial I then used and app called ‘Calm’ and you get a 7 day free session too.. However I completed that also, so I now just look up YouTube videos ‘Guided Morning Meditation’ and it comes up with so many.

When I meditate I like to have the curtains open and the window open so I can breathe in the fresh air, if it’s a horrible cold day or raining then I switch on my diffuser and use my essential oils as they’re so relaxing.

After my meditation around 7:30am I just relax and drink my tea, normally until George has finished in the bathroom.

7:50am I get out of bed and make it so it’s all ready for the evening, I also feel like a made bed just gets you ready for the day also lol.. I then get changed into my yoga clothes (just some comfy joggers and a long sleeved t-shirt) and head downstairs to say goodbye to George and do my morning yoga.

8:00am I do 15 minutes of yoga, I find videos again on YouTube and generally just type in ‘Morning yoga for beginners’ and again there’s loads.. I’ve been loving Madeleine Shaw’s energising yoga routine but here are plenty of amazing ones too.

8:20am I make my breakfast which is always a smoothie that consists of frozen fruit (I have a different sort every day) banana, almond milk, water, ginger, cinnamon, a littler turmeric, coconut sugar and oats – I drink this slowly until about 9:30am and I can say that it keeps me full until around 12pm when I snack on some nuts at work.

Once my smoothies made and things are put away its around 8:30am and I head back upstairs and relax for about 20 minutes before getting ready, this is when I go through my Bullet Journal writing down my three grateful things, going through my tracker and write down things that I need to do during the day.

9am is when I get ready for work, I start with my cleansing routine and allow that to absorb into my skin, once that’s done I then move onto makeup and hair – for work I like a simple look, nothing too heavy and that I can do quickly.

This takes me to around 9:45am, which is when I’ll head downstairs and just make sure I’m ready to go to work.

And that is my current morning routine, even though I’m only working 11-2 at the moment, I don’t just stay in bed all morning (I used to but I needed to get into a routine and get used to getting up early) I have found that things are getting a little easier, however some days I still feel exhausted but do you know what… On those days.. I just take things steady and don’t rush things.

I really hope you’ve enjoyed this read and I hope it’s helped any of you or given any of you some ideas  leave me a comment below of anything you do in the morning as a routine.

Love to you as always

Hannah xx

Going Back To Work Week 5

Hello everyone how’s your week going? Leave me a comment below and let me know how your week is going  
I can’t believe it’s week 5 already!! This time has just gone so quickly! Next Thursday I’ll be seeing my doctor and possibly increasing my hours.. Big big stuff, however I know that I need to still take things slowly so I’ll decide how I feel on the day.  

Right, this week has been big guys!! A lot of things have happened in my little life… Firstly this week has been my first week with using only one crutch to get about to and from work…YAY!! The feeling in my foot is still numb and I can’t feel my toes, but I’m just so happy that I don’t have to use both crutches . Secondly I went to the cinema this week… Yes… I went to the cinema! It’s been a while since I’d done something fun like that because my stupid anxiety would stop me, however I turned that anxiety away and told myself that I could go and have a lovely time – we went to see the remake of IT from the Stephen King novel and also tonight (Saturday night) I’m going to my first party in a loooooong time!! It’s a fancy dress party for a colleagues 50th me and another colleague are going as Pink Ladies from the movie Grease! I’m actually really looking forward to this and when I look back to a couple of months ago I would never have done anything like this!  

I was off yesterday (Friday) so relaxed for majority of the day, on Wednesday night I gave myself and my body a real pamper night (I may write another blog post about that if anyone is interested?) because I have rested and relaxed I feel a little more energised to go to this party.  

I also want to mention something I’ve been taking as a vitamin that I’ve found has really helped me and that’s Magnesium (everyone probably knows about it but I’m new lol) George’s father told me about it a few weeks ago because he’s been taking it and said it’s been helping with fatigue etc.. Since then I’ve been taking it for about 1 and half weeks and already feeling the difference.. I definitely feel like I have a little more energy, however I DO NOT over do it, I just appreciate what I have some sometimes I use it and other time I savour it   

Work has been good this week, busy but good. I even changed my day off this week because we were short staffed, I felt like I could help them out more seen as at the moment I’m working reduced hours but I won’t be able to help out when I go back to full time because having a Thursday off allows me to rest before finishing the week off.  

My colleagues are amazing as usual, I’ve even been invited to a meal out at the end of the month with them all, which I’m going to go to (let’s live on the wild side), since meditating and doing yoga I feel I’ve been able to manage my physical and emotional health a lot better – of course there are times where I get stressed and anxious in particular but I feel I’m able to bring them back and return my mental state to the present a lot easier.  

I’m going to be seeing my GP next Thursday to discuss my hours and possibly increasing them.. I think what we will do because I’m feeling good on three hours a day we will keep it at that for 2 more weeks and then increase my hours to 4 hours a day.. My Aunt gave me some great advice and told me that when I’m feeling good about working certain hours, stick to those for 2 more weeks and then increase them. Last time I felt like this and I just bolted up and up and then… Went back down again, so this time we all need to be sensible.. Me in particular lol! 

I just wanted to add, it’s Saturday night 10pm and I’ve just come home from my first party in I don’t know how long! Saturday nights have usually consisted of watching a couple of episodes of a TV programme and then going to bed at 9pm due to exhaustion. Tonight I was able to go out to my colleagues fancy dress party… No Anxiety.. and my MS was good too! I even managed to have a little dance (not proper dancing) with my crutch to The Spice Girls! (A zig a zig ahhh!) It was amazing and I loved every minute of it! Yes I’m knackered now and I know tomorrow and this coming week I will need rest.. but do you know what.. it was so damn worth it! Pics are below 😊😊 

How has your week been? Leave me a comment below and we will be able to interact. Also let me know what you think to my outfit hehe  

Take Care and Love to you always

Hannah xx 

5 ways to De-Stress and Self-Care

5 Ways to De-Stress and Self Care

Hello everyone how are you all? I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend, please leave me a comment below and let me know what you’ve been up to? 

So I’ve been reading a lot recently about about ‘Ways to De-Stress’ and ‘Self – Care’ and I thought I’d write a little blog post about certain things I’ve been doing to help myself De-Stress and how I make sure I do some kind of ‘Self-Care’ every day – I hope you enjoy this blog post and let me know what you think  

1) Starting the Morning off right

It’s funny, before I never really paid attention to the morning… It just got to a point where the mornings would just form a kind of ‘blur’ I’d get up, get ready for work, go to work and have breakfast there. Whereas now I pay more attention to the mornings, here’s what I do:- 

6:30 – Normally when George’s alarm goes off as he gets up at this time, so whilst I’m recovering from this relapse I try to do the same (well I wake up lol) 

7:00 – I look at this beautiful picture my dad got me that’s hanging on my wall, it’s like a positive affirmation and I then go downstairs and make myself a hot beverage (decaf) and a cold glass of water – I then take this upstairs and complete my Bullet Journal for the day (this has been great because I haven’t forgotten anything yet lol)

I then relax for a few minutes and listen to the world go by outside and at 7:15am I meditate.

2) Meditation 

I know some of you must think ‘oh god not another person talking about meditation’ or ‘I can’t meditate, my mind is too busy’ because I used to think like this too, until I discovered an app called “Head space” it’s a 3 minute a day guided meditation programme for 10 days (these 10 days are free) so I decided to give this a go and honestly just doing 3 minutes a day helped me so much and I put things into different perspectives and I’m just a lot calmer, I’ve also found that I’m a lot less stressed too – Once my 10 days were over I decided to download the app called “Calm” and I’m now doing 10 minutes of meditation a day  currently on day 4. 

You don’t need anything fancy to wear or a fancy setting – I do it in my pyjamas in bed, sat up at 7:15am in the morning – I don’t have any candles on or fancy meditating clothes.. You don’t need any of that.. Just you and your mind.

3) Yoga 

Another lovely blogger and friend Natalie from http://www.survivinglifeshurdles.com told me how she started yoga.. At first I thought that I wouldn’t find the time to do it and I couldn’t do it, however when I got stronger through this relapse and working shorted hours at the moment I decided to give yoga a go and make an actual effort to try and build up my strength.  

I started off just doing about 5 mins in the morning and 5 mins in the evening following a YouTube video (I look at any types as long as they’re for beginners lol) and I absolutely love it! I have built up to do 20 minutes a day now… I’m finding so much more relaxed after I’ve done it and I do LOVE stretching lol so I think this is a perfect exercise regime for me  I’ve even started doing a proper exercise yoga routine not just a stretching one.. I’m only doing that once a week at the moment, but I’ll definitely build that up one step at a time  Arthur also loves joining in with my yoga too lol.

4) Taking time out for yourself 

This is something I would DEFINITELY recommend in order to just relax and let very day stresses just dissolve away, I know some people can’t do this every day so just starting off by doing something once a week is better than nothing. For example you could set yourself one night a week where you have a true pamper night – this doesn’t need to be a traditional pamper night (face mask, bath etc) whatever you think a pamper for yourself is just do it, for instance getting yourself a new set of pyjamas or comfy clothes, a nice film and just having a night by yourself to enjoy your film. I LOVE Wednesday nights when George goes out with his friends I also make this night a night for me where I choose a nice film to watch, have some tasty food, a bath and an at home facial, my super cosy grey blanket and a nice drink (usually tea lol)

5) Shutting off from Social Media 

I always say that I feel so privileged to have been born in the 90’s where computers, social media, mobile phones were literally hardly around.. When I was younger I’d be out on my bike, making dens with friends, going to the local Post Office and buy lots of sweets etc.. Whereas now everything is always phones, computers, computer games and Social Media… It’s very rare where we just shut off. That’s why every night especially I stop looking at my phone and IPad at 8:30pm most nights and listen to an audiobook to help me wind down – At the moment I’m listening to Harry Potter because I just love it! I find that turning off Social Media and not looking at my phone of watching YouTube videos after a certain time in the evenings really helps to me to relax and calm down ready to settle into sleep.. If any of you struggle to shut off at night I’d definitely recommend trying this.  

And that everyone is my ‘5 ways to De-Stress and Self-Care’ blog post, I hope you all enjoyed reading it and the pictures too.. My next blog post will be my usual ‘Going Back To Work Week 5’ which will be up on Friday. 

I hope you all had a lovely weekend and great start to the week, I’m sending you all lots of love and hugs   

Hannah xx

Claiming PIP (Personal Independence Payment)

Claiming PIP (Personal Independent Payment)

Hello everyone,

I know that I’ve just written a blog post all about what I’ve been loving throughout the month of August, however I also received my PIP results back from the assessment I had just under 3 weeks ago and I would like to discuss them with you all.

Firstly PIP stands for Personal Independent Payment and it’s a benefit from the UK Government to help people with chronic illness/disabilities, it used to be called Disability Living Allowance but got changed in 2013 to PIP. It gives support and benefit to those who are in real need, however unfortunately for those like myself who has an invisible illness like Multiple Sclerosis get dis-regarded or falsely marked for what we deserve. Some people even get their allowance taken off them completely or certainly deducted because the government just assume they are ‘too well’.  

I had applied for PIP not long after my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and was rejected, which at the time I felt was a fair judgement because I felt I had really deserved the help really. I then applied for it again whilst I was going through this recent relapse (I have had about 4 relapses since being diagnosed in 2014 and all needed steroid treatment) after speaking with various friends, family and George I applied again. I don’t want to not work I just want to point that out, however since I’d say my relapse before this one I have struggled working full time and managing ‘my life’ if that makes sense? I was able to have a good time at work and use majority of my energy there, however when I got home I’d be so exhausted that I’d struggle to even do the basic things like cook dinner etc, I also felt like I wasn’t enjoying life… I couldn’t go out on a Saturday night past 9:30pm because I’d be too exhausted from work… If I had something planned on a Sunday (Day Off) then I knew that I would have to rest on Thursday. For a 26-27 year old I found it pretty difficult to adjust because I used to be able to do these things, I know they may seem small things to some but to me they’re big and all I wanted was just that little bit of extra time to be able to just enjoy life a little more.  

So.. The PIP forms arrived and I started going through them… The only thing I can say about this is that it was really stressful. Having to write down every little thing about how my disability affects me was exhausting and challenging, especially because the questions were so basic ‘can you feed yourself?’ Etc.. I would normally have answered ‘yes’ for this, however the advice that I was given by family & MS Society was that I needed to write it down as if it was my worst day – so that’s what I did and on my worst day’s I really can’t take care of myself and I heavily rely on George my partner to help me. 

Once the PIP forms were sent off I waited about 3 weeks and I received a letter informing me that they needed to conduct a face-face assessment about my condition and the struggles in which I faced on a daily basis. Again this was a stressful process, I answered the questions they asked with the help of George (definitely take someone with you!!) and within 45 minutes the assessment was over (I think in order for someone to assessment your daily needs and struggles surely it should be a little longer than 45 minutes?  

Another 3 weeks past and I received my results from the assessment – I had been rejected for any help at all… Not that I’m surprised really, however angry because there are so many people in this country who don’t need help and they’re the ones who ruin it for the majority of people who actually need the help and who it would really benefit!! Like I said at the beginning I don’t not want to work.. I love my job and I love working… All I wanted was a little extra to help me have a slightly better quality of life.  

I also feel very fortunate and grateful that we have this kind of system in the UK as I am fully aware that not many countries have anything at all, I’m just sharing my experience and my opinion.

I know this is a long post… However I want to go through their reasoning as to why I don’t need any help at all and dissect it and explain how things were from my perspective…. Here we go!!

Their Decision

“I have made my decision using the information about your health condition or disability including details of any treatment, medication, test results and symptoms” 

Remember that phrase – this has been copied directly from the letter I received yesterday.

“As your needs may vary, my decision is based on the help you need most days. You said you have difficulties taking nutrition and managing therapy or monitoring a health condition, managing toilet needs or incontinence, communicating verbally, reading and understanding signs, symbols and words, engaging with other people face-face and making budgeting decisions due to relapse, memory loss, pain, blurred vision, anxiety and forgetful. However the musculoskeletal examination did not show any significant restrictions with your upper limbs and you demonstrated adequate cognition, memory and intellect at the assessment.”

Okay here’s what happened… I said that when I relapsed recently I lost the feeling and function of my entire left side therefore I was unable to carry out daily tasks myself e.g going to the toilet, washing and bathing. I did NOT mention incontinence. Communicating verbally can be hard on a daily basis because I forget what I’m saying midway through sentence and this get particularly bad when I’m tired or under pressure, like the assessment day… There were times where I’d turn to George for reassurance and he would help me with the phrasing, so for them to say that my cognition, memory and intellect was adequate at the assessment is a lie. I was stressed, anxious and worried, for them to also mention about my musculoskeletal examination didn’t show any significant restrictions with my upper limbs – When I got to the assessment room George took my coat off for me and helped me into my seat because I was experiencing a lot of pain in my back and arms, he also helped me up during the assessment, I had to move very slowly because of the pain and then before we left he helped me up again and put my coat on for me! I managed to complete a few of the exercises my assessor requested but not all and the ones I did manage to complete I did so with difficulty and they could clearly see this.

“You reported you are able to eat slowly and enjoy your food. Informal observations showed you were able to sit and stand without any difficulties, communicate effectively, engage appropriately and complete the fire register.”

I think this is the funniest section out the whole report!!! Firstly “I reported that I was able to eat slowly and enjoy my food” I didn’t say anything like that! What I did say was that yes I could feed myself, however I had to eat slowly and take breaks in between meals because either the pain got too much or I was just too tired – please tell me which part of that means I enjoy my food?

Secondly, “Informal observations showed that I was able to sit and stand without any difficulties” This just makes me angry, also what does this have anything to do with food and eating? Also again it’s a total lie – like I mentioned above when I got to the assessment centre I was helped out of the taxi by George virtually at the door, then a receptionist helped me through the door because I couldn’t use the turning door to get in, I then proceeded to the lift slowly and made my was up the the assessment reception where I signed the fire register because that’s just plain and simple Health and Safety (what if I’d refused or should George have done it?) and then we entered the assessment room where George helped me take my coat off and helped me sit down… That’s what really happened!! Also that I was communicating effectively and engage the assessor appropriately – I answered the assessor’s questions to the best I could and I would turn to George for guidance and he even answered some of the questions for me because I couldn’t find the words to answer!!

“Therefore, I have decided that you can manage these activities unaided, safely, reliably and independently for the majority of the days”

The only thing I have to say about this is… Read what I just wrote about what “actually” happened above.

“You said you have difficulties preparing food, washing and bathing and dressing and undressing due to pain. Although the musculoskeletal examination showed some restrictions as you reported no sensation to your left foot you have sufficient grip and functional ability to use aids. Therefore I have decided you may benefit from the use of an aid or an appliance to manage these activities safely.”

Okay, so they firstly say that “I can sit and stand without any difficulties but then they say that the musculoskeletal examination showed some restrictions” How contradicting is that? As you can see it also goes on to say that they have decided that I may benefit from the use of an aid or an appliance to manage these activities safely – but wait a minute.. I’ve been rejected for any help!?

“You said you have difficulties planning and following journey’s due to anxiety. However you demonstrated adequate cognition, memory and intellect at the assessment and you reported you can follow directions to familiar locations and are able to use public transport. Therefore no further evidence provided of any prescribed mediation for anxiety.Therefore I have decided you can plan and follow the route of a journey unaided and Independently for the majority of the days.” 

Again… This is not what I said exactly… What I said was I struggle to follow routes that I do not know because I forget where I’m going and how to get there due to my first relapse where I had retro bulbar Neuritis I lost some of my vision so looking at maps or online whilst travelling is difficult because my vision hasn’t come back 100% – I mentioned that I could just about get on a bus if George was with me due to my anxiety from having 2 relapses on the bus.. For a long time I wouldn’t get on a bus as I was too anxious about it. I also didn’t leave the house for 2 weeks when I initially had this relapse due to my anxiety, when I saw my doctor about it she prescribed my Amitriptyline (used for nerve pain and also for depression and anxiety) and I was seeing a psychologist to help me deal with the anxiety – is that enough proof? All this was written down and mentioned at my assessment! 

“You said you have difficulty moving around and stated the distance you can move between 20-50 metres due to tiredness, numbness and pain. Although the musculoskeletal examination showed you had some loss of sensation in your left foot you reported you walked from the car park outside the building to the lift area, stopped and used the lift then walked from the lift to the reception (this covers 100 metres) Informal observations showed you were able to walk 40 metres to and from the assessment room with a normal gait at a slower pace. Therefore I have decided you can stand and then move more than 50 metres but nor more than 200 metres, either aided or unaided. This is consistent with your medical history, informal observations at your face-face consultation, how you engaged with the assessor, the available evidence, the information provided about how your disability affects you and your musculoskeletal examination results. I cannot consider any help you need not covered by the activities for daily living and mobility including stairs.

Your’s Sincerely

…. (Name not included) However the person who wrote this letter or sent me this letter, was NOT the person who assessed me.

Okay so yes with help from George I said that I struggled to walk for more than 50 metres repeatedly due to pain and fatigue – to be honest it’s a difficult question to answer because they wanted to know how many metres you could walk consistently without having a break (who on earth calculates how many metres they walk etc) When we arrived to the assessment centre via taxi, the taxi virtually dropped us off outside the door where George helped me get out of the taxi. We got to the front door where a receptionist helped me through the easy access door, I then slowly with my crutches and George made my way to the lift and to the assessment centre. When we got there and I was introduced to my assessor then they marched on ahead of me and George… Yes I didn’t wobble because I was using two crutches and I was walking a lot slower – I don’t understand how they could say that I was fine when walking to them when the assessor had walked off ahead of us.. Unless someone else was spying on me?

So they’ve decided that just by “seeing” me walk to and from the assessment room (my assessor didn’t leave with us they were typing away on the laptop therefore someone else must have been spying on me) then that means I’m fine and I can walk 50 metres but no more than 200 metres. They didn’t see me when I was at my worst and I couldn’t get out of bed, George literally helped me to the bathroom. Nor did they see George having to carry me to the hospital when I initially had my relapse from the bus – because when I had my assessment I was on a slow road to recovery meant that I don’t deserve any help at all?!

This is the system we live in today!! And finally the person who wrote me this letter was NOT the person who conducted my assessment.  

To those who are going through this I wish you all the luck, I honestly don’t know what we need to do just to get a little help – help we deserve in order to have a better quality of life.  

I will be appealing this decision because the report written firstly isn’t the full truth of what happened in the assessment, secondly isn’t written very well and thirdly not from person who conducted my assessment.  

I’m sorry for the long – winded post and I’ll let you all know how I get on with this.  

Much Love always 

Hannah xx 

Going Back To Work  – Week 4

Going Back to Work – Week 4

Hello everyone, me again for another back to work update! As always how are you all? Leave me a comment down below and tell me how your week has been.

This week has been much better for me… No break downs or anxiety attacks (YAY) and even the MS has been behaving (as much as it can lol) I definitely feel a lot more relaxed and together and finding 3 hours a day slowly getting easier.  

I still have a couple of weeks before the meeting with my Doctor to decide if I’m well enough to increase my hours slightly – we will only be increasing them an hour at a time because last time she feels that I rushed back into work and that I should of done things a lot slower so this time.. That’s what we’re doing! 

To tell the truth I’ve spent a lot of time this week composing my PIP appeal letter and other documents and proof together (that’s definitely taking it out of me a bit) I’m trying to have breaks from writing so much and do something else like:- Plan in my Bullet Journal, Listen to my audio book or do some adult colouring. This all definitely helps me to relax and just float away from technology.  

Fatigue levels have been good this week, however today (Friday) I’m feeling particularly tried so I know I need to take it easy and rest where I can, also after doing house chores and yoga yesterday my pain levels are quite high today. I’m going to still do my daily morning yoga to help stretch things out but will make sure I don’t over do it.  

I was even able to have a lovely time on Tuesday for my sisters birthday, we had a naughty takeaway and just a fabulous time – I paid the price a bit on Wednesday but I just rested where I could and when I got home I totally relaxed.  

I’m finding meditation is helping me so much with my mental health at the moment, I’ve been following the app called ‘Head Space’ which I mentioned in August Monthly favourites. I have finished the 10 free sessions and now I have to sign up, but I can’t justify paying £9.99 per month to meditate, so I’ve found another free app called ‘Calm’ so I’ll let you all know how that goes.  

Work have been really good with me as always, my manager is always asking me how I am etc and has said that this phased return will last as long as it lasts until I’m ready to come back. I do have to admit that I’m a littler anxious about the fact that ‘what if I won’t be able to come back full time’ but I’m not focusing on that… Because quite simply I have no idea how I’m going to be in weeks/months time.. Only time will tell.  

What I am concentrating on is getting myself stronger both physically and mentally, so working shorted hours at the moment is actually helping me to focus on my health a lot more.  

I plan on eventually doing more and more yoga to build up my core strength and hopefully become better at meditating with daily practice to help with my mental health… I think what I do worry about sometimes is how am I going to fit all of this into a ‘normal working day’ but I shall cross that bridge when I get to it.  

I’ve also changed my medication from Amitriptyline to Gabapentin to help with the nerve pain (horrendous nerve pain at the top of my spine radiating throughout my back and arms – however yoga is also helping a little with this too! 

And that everyone is back to work week 4 finished! I can’t believe I’ve been back at work for a month now! a couple of months ago I never would have thought I’d have come this far and I’m so proud!!

As always Lots of Love and I hope you’re all okay