Positivity, Recovery and Food

Hello everyone how are you all? I hope you’re having a good week. As always leave me a comment down below and we can have a good chat 🙂

Well if you haven’t seen my latest post I’m going through another MS Relapse. If you’d like to read that blog post entry and how it all came about then just click on the link here https://goo.gl/Tyg1AH

It’s almost been a week since having this relapse confirmed and I have felt very differently this time to last – emotionally I mean. I feel a lot more positive and determined to do whatever I can to help boost my recovery, the chronic fatigue is the worst of all my current symptoms but I don’t try to fight it, I just let it roll… If I want to have a sleep then guess what, I’ll have a sleep! (I actually had my first day time nap yesterday lol that felt good and yet slightly strange at the same time because I’ve never really slept during the day.  

No one knows how long the recovery of a relapse will take, I always say it will take as long as it does, however that does not mean that I’m not going to do everything in my power to help boost things a long and I’d like to share with you all what I’ve been doing over the last few days/week to keep my spirits up, my positive mindset thriving and my recovery boosting.  

(Imagine taken from an Instagram account surviving_multiplesclerosis)

This might sound funny to some people but I honestly feel that the food in which I’m fuelling my body is really having a positive effect on my mental health. When I think back to my 2nd relapse of this year in June I was very emotional, suffering from anxiety and severe stress – I feel a lot more relaxed with things in general. Obviously I have periods where anxiety creeps out but I feel so much stronger and in control of that now. 

Food 

Since changing my eating habits to a vegan/plant based lifestyle I’ve really felt a positive improvement. It’s unfortunate that a relapse has occurred and there have been a few times where I’ve doubted the vegan lifestyle wondering if that caused my relapse, however like my wonderful partner said ‘You can’t select one route for the cause of an MS relapse/flare up, no one yet knows how they’re caused’ which filled me with determination to continue and adamant to treat this relapse with delicious whole foods and fingers crossed my recovery speeds up.  

For breakfast at the moment I consume a delicious super green smoothie every morning. Since this relapse I have been having this every morning no matter what and the ingredients in which I use are:- 

1x medium banana 

2 handfuls spinach

1x Apple

1 handful mango (frozen)

1tbsp ginger (ground)

1tsp cinnamon

1tbsp coconut sugar

Water

Blend that up in my smoothie blender and apply to face.  

At around 10:30 ish I will have a snack… These can vary depending on the fatigue. Sometimes I’ll have half avocado on toast with tomato, or some Ryvitta crackers peanut butter and berries, some nuts or raw veggie sticks and hummus.  

Lunch – as you all know George and I Bach make these on a Sunday and Thursday so I’m very thankful that I don’t have to think about making those – If you’d like to see what I have in my sandwiches then check out my blog post about ‘Becoming Vegan’   https://goo.gl/JcxnUC 


Dinner has been challenging at the moment, mainly due to the chronic fatigue so I’ve been trying to keep is fairly simple and quick. The last could lead of nights I’ve made vegan Mac & Cheese (yes CHEESE!) haha… The recipe for the cheese sauce is:- 

1/5 cup of soaked cashew nuts (soak overnight or I sometimes use boiling water and leave for about ½ hour) 

2 jarred roasted red peppers

3 sun dried tomatoes

1 tbsp turmeric

2 tbsp Nutritional Yeast (this gives it the cheesy flavour) 

Honestly this is absolutely delicious and I love it!!  

I think the main thing I’ve been doing so far throughout this recovery is… REST and lots of it! Even sleeping during the day if my body wants to. I’ve basically been listening to my body for once and just doing whatever it wants to do – also watching ALL of the Harry Potter movies on repeat! The first one is definitely my favourite, it’s just so magical!  

We’ve got a sofa bed at home and I can honestly say that it’s been an absolutely godsend. It’s allowed me to come downstairs during the day because let’s face it when I’m in bed (upstairs) I generally feel worse! But when I’m downstairs on the sofa bed I’m able to sleep when I need to but also get up and move about too 🙂

I’ve had some lovely comments on my previous post so I wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has written to me, I love all of your comments 🙂

Love to you all

Hannah xx

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Another MS Flare Up/Relapse

Hello everyone how are you all doing? As always, leave me a comment below and we can connect together.  

Well as the title of this blog post suggests… I’m going through another MS flare up/episode/relapse! I know some of you may find this shocking as did I because I actually felt I was slowly getting better, yes the longer hours at work were a struggle but I was able to get through the day near enough… However when I do sit back and look at things I do feel that I was masking the struggle that I was actually facing and just trying to continuously push through them.  

Some days were a little more fast pace than others and I also found some days more stressful than others too. On some occasions I would find myself getting a taxi home because I just couldn’t face the bus at 3:30pm when all the school kids were going home too. I also had a couple of mini break downs because work was just getting a bit too much… Yes I mentioned it to my family and told them that I was struggling to which some of them said “Just break the day up… You work for 2 hours then get a break and then work for 2.5 hours and then go home” – however as all of us with chronic illness it isn’t as simple as just ‘going to work and working and then coming home’ is it?  

It’s “getting up in the morning earlier and getting ready” it’s then “getting to work and performing your job” having a break in between to rest and relax then comes the last couple of hours or working and then it’s time to go home… “Getting home, walking from the bus stop to the front door”… But no ones day stops there does it? You then get things ready for the next day, get things ready for dinner etc… So when I was told to “just break the work up” I don’t think they quite understood… So I just accepted that and found it to be fairly easier. 

I was still doing my yoga and meditation in the mornings and loved it! Food was already prepared ready for the weeks lunches, dinner was organised for when I came home.. I didn’t really go out with friends or family during the week – so you can imagine.. The shock of another attack/relapse came at quite a surprise.  

My mum took me to a spa for a massage Thursday just gone and it was such a lovely relaxing day. When I got home I was utterly exhausted and couldn’t actually do much in the sense of cooking dinner, my whole body was exhausted. I went to bed thinking that I just need “a good sleep” lol. I awoke on Friday just gone feeling dreadful, fatigue was at a whole new level.. I found myself very emotional not being able to hold back tears and not knowing why I was crying apart from the fact I was just simply and utterly exhausted – (a lot of people just put this down to depression but now I know that it’s full blown fatigue) 

I managed to pull myself together and get myself sorted and out the door to work. I was standing at the bus stop and already started feeling worse, my whole body felt really heavy and weak and it felt difficult to hold myself up. As I sat on the bus a felt my left leg dropping/falling off the foot rest where I was sitting.  

As I was walking to work my left leg was getting worse and I could feel it dragging behind me, the fatigue building up and up and by the time I’d reached the front doors of work my left arm had dropped too and I found it very difficult to hold my umbrella. 

Where I work there are a few little steps to go down (there is a ramp the other side but I felt that was too far away and I wouldn’t be able to pull the doors open to go through) so I attempted the stairs – thank goodness my work colleague was there and as I called out to her I felt myself go and fall down the last couple of steps, luckily she caught me and I just broke down completely my whole body just gave up.. She held me and my other colleagues got me a chair to sit on whilst we contacted the various people we needed to (my work friend called everyone for me as well as my assistant manager) my MS nurse only works 4 days a week so I couldn’t contact her and my Neurologist secretary advised me to contact my GP – I emailed her and unfortunately she wasn’t available to see either.  

Work got a wheelchair for me to help me get to my mums car and she and George took me home where I’ve been resting the entire weekend.  

I just wanted to add how grateful I am for all of my work colleagues.

Today is Monday and I’m going to ring around the various people that I need to, I still feel awful and even writing this blog post is tricky – my hands just feel like they don’t want to do anything lol. Everything feels weak and heavy and even though I’ve slept at least 8-9 hours I feel like I haven’t slept a wink.  

However… I WILL NOT LET THIS GET TO ME…. I WILL NOT LET THIS BEAT ME OR WIN… I will continue my Vegan/Plant based diet.. Fuelling my body full or good wholesome foods.. I will rest whenever my body tells me to rest and just ride this out… I read on a little Instagram pic “It never rains forever” this time even though I feel worse.. I also feeling more prepare, more organised and a bit stronger in my mind.  

The only thing that concerns me is if when I go out to places that I may need a wheelchair to help me, only because the thought of walking further than around my house isn’t worth it.  

Does anyone have any advice? I’d really appreciate it.. I’m cheery and positive and positivity it the key.. When I feel low.. I just try my hardest to turn things around and remember that this won’t last forever.  

Always sending lots of love and hugs to you all.  

Hannah xx 

Going Vegan!

Hey everyone, 

In my recent post (Insert Url) “Going Back To Work – Week 8” I mentioned that I am transitioning into Veganism with my diet (I’m changing my beauty products too) so I thought I’d write a little post about the “WHY” factor and seen as its been my first week eating as a Vegan I thought I’d include the foods that I’ve been eating every day too.  

When I decided to go down the Vegan route with my diet I had a lot of “Negative” reactions, people telling me that I need to be really careful, and it’s not good for me, that I wouldn’t get enough protein.. Also I got.. But you like meat, why are you doing this? You’ll go back to meat….. But NO!! Not only am I doing this because I LOVE animals but I’m also choosing to do this for my health.  

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis my diet has been very “yo-yo” – It was only recently that I decided to try the Vegan lifestyle after watching a few Vegan YouTuber’s (Mainly Healthy Crazy Cool – Insert YouTube), reading the ‘Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis’ book (even though that does say to eat egg whites and fish) and mainly watching the documentary ‘What The Health’ on Netflix.  

I’ve also researched what foods contains which vitamins and minerals that I need everyday, I also take Vitamin B12, Vitamin D and Magnesium (If you don’t take magnesium you really should, it’s been a game changer) I’ve also watched a few conferences with Dr Neal Barnard who really is fascinating and tells us how it is with what we’re eating.  

I’m definitely not here to preach to any of you who aren’t Vegan to go Vegan (if that makes sense) this is my journey and if you find this interesting, motivating and want to try it.. Then hopefully I’ll be able to show that eating a Vegan diet is not only easy but cost effective too (My groceries has literally been so much more cheaper!) 

I haven’t changed my meal prepping techniques, I don’t spend hours in the kitchen preparing all this food.. Nothing has changed in that sense, I batch cook and make things on a Sunday and Thursday to make sure life still stays manageable. 

So… ‘What do you eat?!’ I hear you ask… Well I’m going to take you through my first week as a Vegan and show you what I eat from Monday to Friday – Week 1. 

Monday 

Breakfast:- Peanut Butter on Toast with a chocolate banana smoothie – For the smoothie I used: 1 ripe banana, cacao powder, peanut butter, coconut sugar, ice cubes, spinach, cinnamon, ginger, almond milk and water – it’s absolutely delicious! 

Lunch:- Sandwich, Apple, soya chocolate yogurt and blueberries – For the Sandwich I used: 1 small whole meal roll filled with hummus, green salad leaves, tomato, avocado, spring onion, cucumber and sirracha – again such a delicious meal and filling too! I made a batch of these sandwiches for George and I to last until Wednesday and they were absolutely fine! (Insert Meal Prep) 

Dinner:- Sweet Potato Salad feast – For this I used: Sweet potato (Baked) butter beans and peas mixed with turmeric and pepper, corn on the cob, sugar snap peas, carrots, peppers, red cabbage, mashed avocado, hummus and lettuce leaf cups – this again was so delicious and filling and I pre-baked sweet potatoes for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night’s dinner. Tuesday 

Breakfast:- Smoothie – For this I used: bananas, spinach, frozen mango, almond milk, peanut butter, cinnamon, ginger, coconut sugar, oats, Beetroot, almond milk and water – the beetroot gave this a slightly off taste, I used it again in a berry smoothie and that was much better.  

Lunch:- This was the same as Monday 

Dinner:- This was the same as Tuesday – most of the ingredients already prepared.  

Wednesday 

Breakfast:- Berry Smoothie – For this I used: banana, oats, almond milk, water, blueberries, raspberries (frozen) spinach, beetroot, ginger, cinnamon and coconut sugar.  

Lunch:- This was the same as Monday and Tuesday 

Dinner:- Pizza Hut!! Yes… Pizza Hut! (Not overly healthy but all Vegan) I ordered a veggie pizza with a bbq sauce base and requested no cheese, I also had a side of potato wedges and it was absolutely delicious!! Funnily enough I could actually TASTE the food instead of just tasting cheese/salt. 

Thursday 

Breakfast:- Green Super Smoothie and Pancakes – For the Smoothie I used: banana, 2 handfuls spinach, peanut butter, coconut sugar, ginger, cinnamon, almond milk. For the Pancakes I used: Buckwheat flour (any flour will be fine), baking powder and almond milk (normally I add a banana too but today I didn’t) I added blueberries and strawberries to this and a slight drizzle of Maple syrup.  

Lunch:- A Naught McDonalds but still Vegan!! Yep another fast food chain that can be adapted to vegan.. I had the Veggie deluxe burger without cheese or sauce (basically just burger, bread and salad) some chips and I got a side of sweet and sour sauce and put that on my burger and again… It was delicious!! 

Friday 

Breakfast:- I started the morning with a green tea and fruit (mango and melon) and then I add another delicious berry smoother (same ingredients as Wednesday) 

Lunch:- Today’s Sandwich was a falafel salad sandwich with carrot and cucumber sticks, hummus, strawberries, bluberries and my chocolate soya yogurt. For the Sandwich I used: Falafel balls, hummus, carrot, green salad leaves and spring onions. 

Dinner:- Homemade Sweet Potato, Butternut Squash and Chick Pea curry – For this I used: Frozen Sweet Potatoes and Butternut squash, chickpeas, chopped tomatoes, turmeric, curry powder, cumin, pepper, coconut sugar and I added some brown rice with this dish too and topped with spinach – very delicious… I cooked it in our slow cooker so it was very very easy to make.  

And that concludes a week as a Vegan.. It’s been throughly enjoyable and I feel that I’ve been able to taste food so much better too. I also snack on various nuts – almonds, pecans, Brazil and Walnuts, fruit.. I also drink lots of water and green tea, ginger tea and if I want a ‘Normal’ cup of tea then I used Almond Breeze Almond milk (It’s the best!) 

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading through my first week as a Vegan, please leave me a comment below and let me know what you think, as always I’ll reply.  

Thank you for reading 

Lots of love  

Hannah xx 

Back at Work – Week 8

Hello everyone how are you all doing? I hope you’ve all had a good week and looking forward to a lovely relaxing weekend? 

Well week 8!! These weeks seem to be flying by.. I don’t know if I should now call them by a different title? Because technically I’m ‘Back at work’… Let me know if you have any ideas of what I can call this little edition to my blog 🙂

This week has definitely been slightly easier than last, of course there have been some hiccups and I have felt stressed out or just over whelmed with exhaustion, however I managed to talk about it and voice how I felt to the right people… Talking about how you’re feeling even if nothing’s doing about it can stil make YOU feel so much better and much more at ease with the situation… I won’t go into mine in too much detail.  

Even on 5.5 hours a week I’m still able to complete my morning meditation and yoga – I make sure I do this every morning, last week I went through a negative moment and decided to turn that around (with the help from family) and I wrote on my mirror ‘I can do this…I WILL do this’ and I’m able to look at the positive affirmation every morning.  

I’m still finding 5.5 hours a day 5 days a week tiring, especially if I’ve had a busy day at work and the bus is jam packed full of children.. However on the days where I’ve not felt well and just needed to get home, I treated myself to a taxi home.. Or I try and look at it like this… I’m working 2.5 hours then get a half hour break and then working 3 hours then home time.. That is definitely helping me cope with it. I also still feel at the moment that I don’t want to increase my hours any further.. I’m finding these are manageable for now I shall continue them until I feel ready to increase. I do sometimes feel a very slight pressure to go back to work full time, I just feel that I can’t do that at the moment and I want to be able to balance and manage work life, home life and living with a chronic illness… However when I have these thoughts I try and shut them off because I know that this is the negativity creeping back out and I need to stop thinking like that and just remain as I am and remember that I’m doing really well!  

I’ve also recently changed my diet to a Vegan/Plant based diet.. I’ve been back and fourth with this, I used to be a vegetarian and I had considered the Vegan diet, however at the time I wasn’t ready to transition. Recently I have been watching videos from a YouTuber called Healthy Crazy Cool – he’s food just inspired me and looked so delicious, he’s also a registered Nutritionist and gives some great advice and it’s just very honesty. I also watched the Documentary called ‘What The Health’ on NetFlix and this is just mind blowing… The different foods we’re eating that are actually harmful???!!! Definitely worth a watch if you’re interested – I’m going to start another blog thread and perhaps call it “What I Eat on a Vegan Lifestyle” what do you all think?  

I Also had my first Neuro- Physio appointment on Thursday.. it was very good, mainly just the assessment so they can understand how they can help me.. she knew instantly that it was my left side that was affected by this relapse which I thought was very good.. I’ve been set a little exercise to do until I see her next and that’s to concentrate on my walking.. just making sure my leg doesn’t turn outwards, so far it’s going okay 😊

I also had a lovely time with my dad 😊 we popped into town in the morning to have a look around and I got a fab new coat (one of those ones that looks like a sleeping bag and that’s REALLY light weight), a beautiful scarf and some new PJ’s.. we also had a cheeky McDonalds and went to see my sister (yes I had Vegan McDonald’s!!) All in all it was a wonderful day! 

So today is Sunday and it’s my cleaning day, I like to clean the house properly on a Sunday so that I don’t need to do much throughout the week (I like things to be clean and tidy but doing it every day is a no no lol) Will be meal Prepping later ready for the week too.  

I’m also setting up a new Instagram account @an_ordinary_girl_with_ms where I’ll be posting pics of Self-Care ideas, food, and general things that help me cope with MS and make me happy 😊 I’ve only just set it up but feel free to follow me 😊

Let me know how your week has been, leave me a comment as always and I will reply.. Would any of you be interested in my new thread?  

As always I hope you’re all okay and sending you lots of love 

Hannah xx 

September Favourites

Hey everyone, this is going to be a post about al the things I’ve been loving throughout the month of September! It’s definitely been a funny old month but today is officially October and I don’t know about anyone else, but I just love the start of a new month – like a fresh start almost? And I definitely think Sunday’s are my favourite days! What about you? What’s your favourite day and do you like the start of a new month?

There’s actually not that many things that I’ve been loving this month, to be fair this month has been kind of blur and I’ve just got through it as best I could.. The first thing that I’ve been loving is a cleaning device and that is my Dyson wireless vacuum – it’s just been a total godsend! We invested in it I’d say a couple of months ago but I’ve only just properly mentioned about it, it really makes life so easy and I can actually Hoover most days and I don’t find it a chore anymore… My previous Hoover was just so difficult and cumbersome so I’m so happy we invested and it’s definitely worth it, we paid £189.99 (I believe) from where I work, however they price matched with Argos.

The next thing I’ve been loving it TEA!! My favourite teas this month have been: Lemon and Ginger tea from Aldi, Tetley Immune green Tea in tropical flavour and Matcha Green Tea by M&S. Every morning before I do my yoga I make myself a green tea, I then take it upstairs and relax whilst I drink it and I’m sure it gives me that little bit of energy to go and do my yoga – after that throughout the day and always try and opt for the lemon and ginger tea as I’ve read that ginger is a very good anti-inflammatory spice so I try and drink as much as possible, I sometimes do have a normal cup of tea with almond milk but I’d say only 1 cup of that a day and the tea that I drink is always decaf (apart from the green tea)

Beauty, Beauty, Beauty really is my favourite thing!! I would rather buy beauty items than clothes!! LOL!! I wouldn’t call myself fashionable, I just put clothes that are comfortable but beauty products on the other hand are totally different! My favourite products this month have been:-

Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish – original – I’ve been loving this so much!! I actually bought another bottle today lol, only a slightly larger one which will hopefully last longer – I use this morning and night and I just love the way it makes me skin feel and also the scent is so relaxing, always reminds me a having a lovely spa treatment. Also Liz Earle’s products are Cruelty Free which is great so a massive thumbs up to her!! They’re also reasonably affordable, I wouldn’t put them in the high end category although the they feel and smell high end!

Pure Clear Blemish Rescue Mask – Loreal Now I know this face mask isn’t Cruelty Free and it’s one of the items that I have which isn’t, however I just love this face mask for dramatically reducing blemishes! I use it when I have a pesky spot forming and it makes my skin feel amazing! I have seen another face mask which I believe is cruelty free so once this one has finished I shall try that one and see if it’s just as good 

No. 7 Beautiful Skin Pore Minimising Serum – OMG!! This really has been a game changer for me!! This is relatively expensive (£16.00) however it has massively reduced my pores and I haven’t found ANYTHING that has done that!! I use it morning and night and within 28 days I could notice a difference, if you have enlarged pores I’d definitely give this beauty a go!

My super amazing cosy yoga trousers (I think k they’re just lounge wear but I wear them for yoga lol.. they’re from Apricot and I absolutely LOVE them! They are so soft and comfy and if I’m not in my pyjamas then I’m most likely in those lol! 

Spending time with friends – I may have mentioned in one of my previous blog posts (Going Back to work Week 5 or 6) that I went out to a friends fancy dress party, well I just have such a lovely time and it really made me feel great being surrounded by lovely friends and for once it made me forget about having a chronic illness/Multiple Sclerosis – I just had fun which is what we all need to do I think. I also love having girly nights with my sister (we are very close) and my best friend comes over some Saturday nights for a movie night which is always great too 

I hope you have enjoyed reading this blog post, how has your Sunday been? I hope you all have a wonder week and I’ll see you next week – I’m feeling so much better than I did the other day which is great and I’m still making sure I don’t over do it but enjoy life at the same time… Multiple Sclerosis is just one big emotional roller coaster right?

Love and big hugs to you always

Hannah xx

Going Back To Work Week 7

Hello everyone, how are you all? I hope you’ve had a good week and you know the score leave me a comment down below and we can connect about our week.  

So this has been the BIG jump from 3 hours a day at work up to 5 hours a day at work (I’m actually doing 5 and half hours and having half an hour break midway through.  

How have I been finding it?! Hard, I’m not going to lie and say that it’s been a breeze or a walk in the park.. I’ve definitely struggled this week adjusting to new things, I’ve also had to cancel a few plans that I’ve had in order to regain some energy – fatigue sucks!! Today (Friday) I’ve definitely felt my worst and I even had a mini melt down with my assistant manager today (I feel embarrassed now but it is what it is) however since getting home and relaxing for a bit I’m feeling a little bit better, I think fatigue is one of those symptoms that we just have to deal with and kind of work through..  

Do any of you have any tips or advice for when you’re feeling really fatigued to help yourself?  

I’m going to have a lovely relaxing bath tonight and try to relax as much as possible – one thing though.. I haven’t given up my yoga!! I did feel at one point maybe iI should stop yoga and concentrate on having energy at work, but that’s exactly what happened before – I stopped doing things that I actually loved doing then wound up in the position I was… So I shall continue my yoga in the mornings and I’m not going to let this get to me (although sometimes we just need to have moments where we just feel like shit and just want to stop or slow down – that’s just life) 

Also what I have to remember is – I’ve got through the first week!! I’ve DONE it! I haven’t gone home any earlier because I haven’t been well, I’ve been and done my hours albeit it as tough I’m still super proud of what I’ve achieved.  

Tomorrow (Saturday) I’ve got my Aunt and Uncle coming to collect my uncles glasses and then later on we are going to go out for dinner, I’ve cancelled all of my other plans for this week and this is something that I don’t want to cancel… I want to go out and have a nice time, I feel a bit anxious about it because I worry in case I don’t feel great or if I’m yawning or just too tired.. But I WILL DO it! I’ll just take my time, take things slowly and relax.  

So yeah, tonight I’m currently relaxing on the sofa in my super cozy legging type bottoms (seriously I could wear these 24/7) watching ‘We’re The Millers’ having a nice cup of ginger tea.  

I’m also trying to change my diet slowly to a plant based diet – just trailing it and taking things slowly – I watched a documentary called ‘What The Health’ and it was so fascinating and informative and I had absolutely no idea that some of the things we put in our mouths is actually bad/possibly dangerous for us! What do you all think?  

Anyway, I’m going to go now  I shall be writing my Monthly Favourites blog post on Sunday about all the things that I’ve been loving throughout September so look out for that if you’re interested.  

As always sending you lots of love 

Hannah xx 

Going Back To Work Week 6

Going Back To Work Week 6

Hello how is everyone doing? I hope you’ve all had a good week and weekend, as always leave me a comment below and we can all have a chat.

So.. This week started off just normal, like any other normal week – work still going well and I’m finding 3 hours a day more and more manageable. However I went to visit my Doctor on Thursday and she feels that I’m ready to take things up a notch and increase my hours to 5 hours a day 5 days a week!!

I see my Doctor regularly and we have a great relationship, I see her more of a friend as well as a Doctor – but even when she told me that she wanted to increase my hours I felt like she was just chucking me back out there, my anxiety sky rocketed and I could feel myself getting panicked. Until she sat in front of me and said ‘I know you can do it, I believe in you’ that made me feel a little more reassured.

She made sure I was obviously recovering well in order to increase my hours and I am, which is amazing – lol I know I bang on about it but since doing Yoga and Meditation I’ve definitely noticed a difference in my recovery. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my foot, don’t get my wrong it’s a lot better than what it was I can now walk around the house without any aids which is lovely and I’m only using one crutch to get about when I’m out, however the feeling hasn’t come back entirely and when I’m tired my left side really plays up – you know the usual drop foot, really heavy legs etc.

When I was with my Doctor (having my mini heart attack after she told me about increasing my hours) I was mainly worried about going back into that ‘work work work’ zone, getting up earlier, getting back later consequently not having the energy to do the things I’ve actually been enjoying for once… Since being on phased return to work and realised that I am “allowed” to do things and go out that I’m able to finally enjoy life! I know that sounds a little far fetched, but for example I’ve been able to take up yoga in the mornings and meditate whereas before I would get up at 6:30-7:00am get ready and leave the house at 8am so I wouldn’t have time for things in the morning, I’ve also been able to go out and enjoy spending time with friends – like going to the cinema last week and then going to a friends birthday party on a Saturday night (I don’t remember the last time I went out on a Saturday night) I used to get home from work about 6:30pm then sort dinner out etc and I would be completely exhausted to do anything else, even funnier I’ve been able to actually go food shopping who Aldi with mum recently and that has definitely helped me financially too.

So finally having the chance to understand and realise that I COULD enjoy my life and it wasn’t all about ‘work, come home, bed, work, come home, bed’ so I was a bit worried that I’d get myself back into that cycle, however I calmed down shortly after and when I spoke to my family who all said that they believe in me and that I need to remember that I’m not going back ‘full time’ so I’ll be able to still enjoy things, I’ll just need to rest a bit more in the beginning.

In my previous job when I was diagnosed I felt exactly the same, I got myself into the sort of depressing state where I just wasn’t enjoying life that I was just living for work – I was too exhausted to go out after work or on a Saturday night etc and it’s only taken me up until not to realise that maybe, just maybe reducing work slightly will enable me to actually ENJOY living and will make managing Multiple Sclerosis easier.

So moving forwards I’ll be working 10-3:30 with ½ break in between, like I said I feel a lot calmer about it now and I know I was maybe being a little over dramatic.. But hopefully some of you understand how I was feeling? I’m a little nervous about this next step but also positive and looking forward to writing all about my next hurdles with Working and Multiple Sclerosis.

I hope you’re all okay and have had a lovely weekend.

Lots of Love as Always

Hannah xx